Way to go! I shaved my head when my mother died 8 years ago and have rarely let it get more than an inch inch long since. it’s the most freeing thing I’ve ever done - I wish I’d done it decades ago. It is always interesting when friends and strangers feel compelled to comment - especially when they ask “why?”
Thanks so much for your support and sharing, Connie! I feel the same that I wish I would have done this decades ago but alas, everything in its time, right? I find it fascinating myself that people feel compelled to comment. When I was visiting California with my mom last summer, people would look at me in the grocery store and I could see these looks of wonder and awkward concern...I could tell they were wondering if I was sick and they didn't have the heart to ask or say anything and then they would just look away. Of course a man can have a shaved head and no one bats an eye, right? Sorry to hear about your mom...my father died when I was 15 and losing a parent is so difficult. Sending you a big hug ❤️❤️❤️
You’ve shared some really great insights here. Your husband is good to be so much more clear with you about your hair and body. It sounds like he was being curious, yet not suggesting you change on his behalf.
If and when you change something about your hair, it’ll probably feel similar to when you got your tattoos…. You just know. Until then, carry on and don’t overthink others ideas too much. As loving as they might be, their opinions are like the adults in Peanuts cartoons: whaaahhh, whaaahhh whaaahhh.
Thank you so much, Teyani, for reading my post and taking the time to respond so kindly and thoughtfully. You are so right that my husband was being curious about it; he was definitely not pressing me to change my hair for him! He said he would enjoy me having my curls back but he is more concerned that I am content with my hair. This was yet another great experience for us as a couple to learn about each other and to always choose love and support. ❤️
And you are so right about not overthinking others ideas too much! When I decided to move to Jamaica and take an early retirement from a 20 year successful career in public education, I stopped telling people because everyone projected their fears and concerns on me about my decision...thank you for the reminder that the opinions of others can be just like the adults in the Peanuts cartoons! What a fun way to think of it! 🌈
My daughter did the same before she started college. She's grown it back. I'm too attached to my pink hair color, I wanna see what happens as I go grey!
Ooooh, pink hair!! 💕 How fun! It will be fun to see the grey evolution if you feel called to share. I found my first grey hair at 26 and didn't grow out my dyed hair until 2018. I'm enjoying owning my grey and I look forward to seeing if it will turn all white! Thanks for being here with me, Love, and I just subscribed to your publication as well. Heading over there to check it out! 🤗
Aaaw, thanks! I had about four grey hairs for a couple of decades, and this set of roots looks like…more. I’m hoping for ultra mega pink highlights where they are grey (but there may be some different science coloring greys). I will share pics.
I still have a bin of haircolor I bought during covid, and a chrome tube to round it all out when I finally abandon pink. :)
I look forward to seeing more! 💕 I have experimented with many hair colors in my life and had so much fun doing so. Now I'm loving the simplicity of my shaved head and I will look out for pics from you so I can enjoy your journey as well! 🌈
When I went from hair in the middle of my back to a very low cut, it literally felt like I was cutting off apart of me. “To cut is to grow” was my mantra. And now, I’m growing my hair back ;)
sHAIRing!! Omg, Sheree, you're so clever and I love that! ❤️ When you cut your hair, did people have reactions that they shared with you? I'd love to hear more about your experience! And sending you lots of good vibes for your hair growth journey! 💜
Men didn't like it at all. It seems like my hair was tied to my femininity. I love the growth but not having to comb my hair was bliss. I'm getting used to the growth (in every way). The journey! To cut is to grow, to grow is to grow :)
Your support and presence here with me, Belinda, made my day! Thank you for your kind words and for joining me here on Substack. I'm grateful for you and looking forward to being connected here! ❤️
Love the story. It’s beautiful how your bucket list goal connected with your mother’s situation at the time. Life has these weird reminders for us to mull over if we give them more thought like you did in your story.
Hair or no hair, I love the idea of not spending much time on it 😬
Deep gratitude to you, Maria, for taking the time to read my post and share your thoughtful insights! I agree that life gives us little reminders all the time in ways that can be surprising. I have found that slowing down and being mindful help to notice these reminders. ❤️
As a man with long hair, I also used cancer to try out different styles. I shaved when my aunt got breast cancer, and when Covid hit I started growing using Locks of Love as the reason to grow.
I haven’t yet made it to be able to donate 10 inches tip to tip. But I do feel more myself with longer hair. I will miss having longer hair but once my donation is complete I will grow it out for me.
It’s only hair isn’t my mantra. Haircuts can really change how we feel about people. In Sioux culture cutting hair has some connotation with losing your connection with your people. Especially since white culture would force the issue on children in the past.
All of which is my long way of saying that you should choose how you feel to present yourself. My wife dyed her hair and loved it. I wasn’t so keen on the change but it’s grown on me. It’s not a trivial choice but it’s not your whole personality either. I’m glad you found what works for you.
Thank you deeply and kindly, Mike, for taking the time to read and to share your thoughtful and impactful insights. Hair can have so many meanings for people as your words relay so perfectly. ❤️
a shaved head is no joke, especially if you are shaving off years of growth. I shaved off 18 inches for a shaman elder initiation ritual, and one of my “brothers” shaved off 18yr old dreadlocks. It changes you…in so many profound ways.
A Shaved Head is a spiritual portal! Or so my shaman teacher told me as he shaved my head at the end of a month long elder initiation process. I didn't so much care about losing the hair, it was time for it to go as I was a totally different person after that month. But damn, I didn't know it would hurt so much physically to shave it off. My highly sensitive soul felt every cut, every scrape, every nick. Ouch. That was 15 years ago. I grew it back, and all the values of simplicity that came with the shaved head stayed with me. I no longer use product or style my hair. I let it grow for three years and then cut of 8-10".
At the time, I was married to my first husband, who also went through the elder initiation and also shaved his head. We both changed after that. And compromise wasn't a word in his vocabulary anymore. Our marriage ended after that.
And, I agree, being married the second time around is different. We're more careful, more protective of our marriage and our autonomy.
I appreciate your story and how it brought me back a decade and a half and all the things I learned from that life-transformative elder initiation process...and the shaved head symbolism of it.
btw - my shaman teacher says that hair is "antennae" and when you shave it off, your frequency changes and people often don't recognize you or your energy anymore, and how you read and receive the world around you is also different as you "antennae" grows back differently each time you shave.
Wow, what a story, Teri! Thank you deeply and kindly for not only reading my piece but sharing your experiences and insights. I've never heard about a shaved head being a spiritual portal and I am fascinated by this...I will be looking into this more for sure.
When compromise is no longer in someone's vocabulary, I can see how that would make a marriage no longer viable...I experienced the same myself and I agree that I am more careful and protective of both my marriage and my autonomy the second time around!
Thank you again for reading and sharing and I'm heading over to your publication now to check it out! ❤️
Loved reading this. I shaved my head in college. It was interesting to see the reactions and notice how it changed the way I related to others. Happy you found a hairstyle you like and are keeping it!
Thank you kindly and deeply, Olivia, for reading and taking the time to share your experience (and also for subscribing!). I appreciate you! It is indeed interesting how people react...I especially noticed what seemed like more uncomfortable reactions when I was in California last summer. It felt like people weren't sure if I was sick or if I had done it for the style but they were afraid to ask. Here in Jamaica, I've had many Jamaican women comment positively on my hair. So fascinating! ❤️🌈
Thank you deeply and kindly, Clare, for taking the time to read and comment! I have had many, many hairstyles and having a short cut is definitely the most work to keep it in a style that I liked. That's part of why I don't want to grow it out right now...I actually wouldn't mind a short hairstyle but living in the Jamaican countryside means that I have a 25 minute taxi ride each way for a haircut and I just don't want to spend my time in that way (I also am not ready for long hair to just tie up in a ponytail lol 🤣). Sending you good vibes that you find the just right hairstyle for this part of your journey 🩵
Great minds think alike my fellow shaved head friend! If this post got your attention, check out my latest that I literally just hit publish on. 🤗 Your comment got my attention so I’m heading over to your page now to see wah gwaan! 🇯🇲
As usual, I love your writing. I love the journey you’re on with your hair Deanna. Each individual has their own unique perspective or experience with their hair and style. It’s also what happens at each stage of life. For me personally being a Black woman brings on all sorts of challenges. The products that we choose to use on our hair, weaves, wigs, etc. I’ve always tend to go the natural route. By that I mean “locking” my hair in its natural form (think a more refined look from Bob Marley). It’s called SisterLocks. I absolutely love my hair. I’ve worn it long, medium length, straight, curly — so many options. At the end of the day, it’s our choice to “rock” whatever look we desire. Hair is freedom. Hair or no hair is sexy.
Give deep thanks, Beverley, for being here with me and for your unwavering support! I appreciate you. 🙏💜 Thank you for sharing your insights and experience about your hair journey as well. My shaved head has brought lots of opportunities for conversations with Jamaican women here in Portland and they have always been so supportive of my hair and I've been blessed to hear many stories about their experience as Black women with their hair. So many options as you said so beautifully! ❤️
Fantastic story! When I first found you here and saw pics I didn't wonder at all about your hair. Lord knows, I wished I would have shaved mine living there lol. But I actually loved my curls in the humid climate.
Now that I know the real story of your hair it all makes perfect sense. It's cute that your husband didn't want you to look a certain way for him ❤️ Anyway, Jamaicans (can) have different hair every month so who is anyone to judge 😁
Awwww thanks, Kristi! I love that you didn't wonder about my hair when you connected with me here...that feels like how it should be...you see ME and not just my hair and for that, deep gratitude to you. 🙏 It is cute how my husband responded and his response reinforced for me that I've chosen the right person to be with. He's a special soul and I hope one day you come to Jamaica and we can all sit down and have a great reasoning and vibe.
You're soooo right about Jamaicans and their many hairstyles!! Sometimes I don't recognize people I know because they change their hair lol 😂 When I reflected more on your comment, I realize that Jamaican women have been some of my biggest supporters and complimenters on my shaved head. The strange looks and off beat comments have mostly come from people in the states or my own family and friends 🙈
Thanks as always for taking the time to read and comment...especially now that you're getting famous here on Substack!! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Honestly, I've wondered a LOT about when I'll reenter Jamaica. Sometimes I don't miss it at all and other times I'm like, WOW...that was my life! It's a beautiful place but also doesn't come without it's challenges. It's funny, I'm almost 100% certain my son would tell me to go live there again and leave all this behind. He knew how content I was there. But now that I have my dog, it's not an option. If I'm ever heading your way again, I'd love to come hang out in the bush of Porty with you. It reminded me of the south coast...nice, chill vibes.
Oh, you ARE becoming famous here so own it! You’re doing such great work and it’s been both a pleasure and an honor to see your growth here ❤️
I imagine you can bring Dezi here…with a whole leap of paperwork, money, and probably hassle lol 😂
Whether or not you come to stay, I sincerely hope the universe has in mind for you to visit us here in the bush. We’d be honored to share time and space with you! Heck, maybe one day we’ll meet up somewhere else in the world…who knows where this journey will take us! 🌈
Way to go! I shaved my head when my mother died 8 years ago and have rarely let it get more than an inch inch long since. it’s the most freeing thing I’ve ever done - I wish I’d done it decades ago. It is always interesting when friends and strangers feel compelled to comment - especially when they ask “why?”
Thanks so much for your support and sharing, Connie! I feel the same that I wish I would have done this decades ago but alas, everything in its time, right? I find it fascinating myself that people feel compelled to comment. When I was visiting California with my mom last summer, people would look at me in the grocery store and I could see these looks of wonder and awkward concern...I could tell they were wondering if I was sick and they didn't have the heart to ask or say anything and then they would just look away. Of course a man can have a shaved head and no one bats an eye, right? Sorry to hear about your mom...my father died when I was 15 and losing a parent is so difficult. Sending you a big hug ❤️❤️❤️
I keep my hair very short… And I have for many many many years ….it’s me!
You’ve shared some really great insights here. Your husband is good to be so much more clear with you about your hair and body. It sounds like he was being curious, yet not suggesting you change on his behalf.
If and when you change something about your hair, it’ll probably feel similar to when you got your tattoos…. You just know. Until then, carry on and don’t overthink others ideas too much. As loving as they might be, their opinions are like the adults in Peanuts cartoons: whaaahhh, whaaahhh whaaahhh.
Thank you so much, Teyani, for reading my post and taking the time to respond so kindly and thoughtfully. You are so right that my husband was being curious about it; he was definitely not pressing me to change my hair for him! He said he would enjoy me having my curls back but he is more concerned that I am content with my hair. This was yet another great experience for us as a couple to learn about each other and to always choose love and support. ❤️
And you are so right about not overthinking others ideas too much! When I decided to move to Jamaica and take an early retirement from a 20 year successful career in public education, I stopped telling people because everyone projected their fears and concerns on me about my decision...thank you for the reminder that the opinions of others can be just like the adults in the Peanuts cartoons! What a fun way to think of it! 🌈
My daughter did the same before she started college. She's grown it back. I'm too attached to my pink hair color, I wanna see what happens as I go grey!
Ooooh, pink hair!! 💕 How fun! It will be fun to see the grey evolution if you feel called to share. I found my first grey hair at 26 and didn't grow out my dyed hair until 2018. I'm enjoying owning my grey and I look forward to seeing if it will turn all white! Thanks for being here with me, Love, and I just subscribed to your publication as well. Heading over there to check it out! 🤗
Aaaw, thanks! I had about four grey hairs for a couple of decades, and this set of roots looks like…more. I’m hoping for ultra mega pink highlights where they are grey (but there may be some different science coloring greys). I will share pics.
I still have a bin of haircolor I bought during covid, and a chrome tube to round it all out when I finally abandon pink. :)
I look forward to seeing more! 💕 I have experimented with many hair colors in my life and had so much fun doing so. Now I'm loving the simplicity of my shaved head and I will look out for pics from you so I can enjoy your journey as well! 🌈
When I went from hair in the middle of my back to a very low cut, it literally felt like I was cutting off apart of me. “To cut is to grow” was my mantra. And now, I’m growing my hair back ;)
Thanks for sHAIRing ;)
sHAIRing!! Omg, Sheree, you're so clever and I love that! ❤️ When you cut your hair, did people have reactions that they shared with you? I'd love to hear more about your experience! And sending you lots of good vibes for your hair growth journey! 💜
Men didn't like it at all. It seems like my hair was tied to my femininity. I love the growth but not having to comb my hair was bliss. I'm getting used to the growth (in every way). The journey! To cut is to grow, to grow is to grow :)
Fabulous heartfelt and personal writing
Your support and presence here with me, Belinda, made my day! Thank you for your kind words and for joining me here on Substack. I'm grateful for you and looking forward to being connected here! ❤️
Love the story. It’s beautiful how your bucket list goal connected with your mother’s situation at the time. Life has these weird reminders for us to mull over if we give them more thought like you did in your story.
Hair or no hair, I love the idea of not spending much time on it 😬
Deep gratitude to you, Maria, for taking the time to read my post and share your thoughtful insights! I agree that life gives us little reminders all the time in ways that can be surprising. I have found that slowing down and being mindful help to notice these reminders. ❤️
Hair framing a face adds beauty.
As a man with long hair, I also used cancer to try out different styles. I shaved when my aunt got breast cancer, and when Covid hit I started growing using Locks of Love as the reason to grow.
I haven’t yet made it to be able to donate 10 inches tip to tip. But I do feel more myself with longer hair. I will miss having longer hair but once my donation is complete I will grow it out for me.
It’s only hair isn’t my mantra. Haircuts can really change how we feel about people. In Sioux culture cutting hair has some connotation with losing your connection with your people. Especially since white culture would force the issue on children in the past.
All of which is my long way of saying that you should choose how you feel to present yourself. My wife dyed her hair and loved it. I wasn’t so keen on the change but it’s grown on me. It’s not a trivial choice but it’s not your whole personality either. I’m glad you found what works for you.
Thank you deeply and kindly, Mike, for taking the time to read and to share your thoughtful and impactful insights. Hair can have so many meanings for people as your words relay so perfectly. ❤️
a shaved head is no joke, especially if you are shaving off years of growth. I shaved off 18 inches for a shaman elder initiation ritual, and one of my “brothers” shaved off 18yr old dreadlocks. It changes you…in so many profound ways.
A Shaved Head is a spiritual portal! Or so my shaman teacher told me as he shaved my head at the end of a month long elder initiation process. I didn't so much care about losing the hair, it was time for it to go as I was a totally different person after that month. But damn, I didn't know it would hurt so much physically to shave it off. My highly sensitive soul felt every cut, every scrape, every nick. Ouch. That was 15 years ago. I grew it back, and all the values of simplicity that came with the shaved head stayed with me. I no longer use product or style my hair. I let it grow for three years and then cut of 8-10".
At the time, I was married to my first husband, who also went through the elder initiation and also shaved his head. We both changed after that. And compromise wasn't a word in his vocabulary anymore. Our marriage ended after that.
And, I agree, being married the second time around is different. We're more careful, more protective of our marriage and our autonomy.
I appreciate your story and how it brought me back a decade and a half and all the things I learned from that life-transformative elder initiation process...and the shaved head symbolism of it.
btw - my shaman teacher says that hair is "antennae" and when you shave it off, your frequency changes and people often don't recognize you or your energy anymore, and how you read and receive the world around you is also different as you "antennae" grows back differently each time you shave.
Wow, what a story, Teri! Thank you deeply and kindly for not only reading my piece but sharing your experiences and insights. I've never heard about a shaved head being a spiritual portal and I am fascinated by this...I will be looking into this more for sure.
When compromise is no longer in someone's vocabulary, I can see how that would make a marriage no longer viable...I experienced the same myself and I agree that I am more careful and protective of both my marriage and my autonomy the second time around!
Thank you again for reading and sharing and I'm heading over to your publication now to check it out! ❤️
Loved reading this. I shaved my head in college. It was interesting to see the reactions and notice how it changed the way I related to others. Happy you found a hairstyle you like and are keeping it!
Thank you kindly and deeply, Olivia, for reading and taking the time to share your experience (and also for subscribing!). I appreciate you! It is indeed interesting how people react...I especially noticed what seemed like more uncomfortable reactions when I was in California last summer. It felt like people weren't sure if I was sick or if I had done it for the style but they were afraid to ask. Here in Jamaica, I've had many Jamaican women comment positively on my hair. So fascinating! ❤️🌈
Recently I've wanted to cut my hair short more like around my ears but heard it's more work than long that you can put in a pony tail.
I want something less work so totally get having it short especially in hot weather.
It's really nice to hear you and your husband discuss things and respect each other.
Thank you deeply and kindly, Clare, for taking the time to read and comment! I have had many, many hairstyles and having a short cut is definitely the most work to keep it in a style that I liked. That's part of why I don't want to grow it out right now...I actually wouldn't mind a short hairstyle but living in the Jamaican countryside means that I have a 25 minute taxi ride each way for a haircut and I just don't want to spend my time in that way (I also am not ready for long hair to just tie up in a ponytail lol 🤣). Sending you good vibes that you find the just right hairstyle for this part of your journey 🩵
HA! You got my attention.
Great minds think alike my fellow shaved head friend! If this post got your attention, check out my latest that I literally just hit publish on. 🤗 Your comment got my attention so I’m heading over to your page now to see wah gwaan! 🇯🇲
Love this piece!
Thank you, Sydney! I appreciate you reading it and taking the time to comment. ❤️🌈
As usual, I love your writing. I love the journey you’re on with your hair Deanna. Each individual has their own unique perspective or experience with their hair and style. It’s also what happens at each stage of life. For me personally being a Black woman brings on all sorts of challenges. The products that we choose to use on our hair, weaves, wigs, etc. I’ve always tend to go the natural route. By that I mean “locking” my hair in its natural form (think a more refined look from Bob Marley). It’s called SisterLocks. I absolutely love my hair. I’ve worn it long, medium length, straight, curly — so many options. At the end of the day, it’s our choice to “rock” whatever look we desire. Hair is freedom. Hair or no hair is sexy.
Give deep thanks, Beverley, for being here with me and for your unwavering support! I appreciate you. 🙏💜 Thank you for sharing your insights and experience about your hair journey as well. My shaved head has brought lots of opportunities for conversations with Jamaican women here in Portland and they have always been so supportive of my hair and I've been blessed to hear many stories about their experience as Black women with their hair. So many options as you said so beautifully! ❤️
Fantastic story! When I first found you here and saw pics I didn't wonder at all about your hair. Lord knows, I wished I would have shaved mine living there lol. But I actually loved my curls in the humid climate.
Now that I know the real story of your hair it all makes perfect sense. It's cute that your husband didn't want you to look a certain way for him ❤️ Anyway, Jamaicans (can) have different hair every month so who is anyone to judge 😁
Awwww thanks, Kristi! I love that you didn't wonder about my hair when you connected with me here...that feels like how it should be...you see ME and not just my hair and for that, deep gratitude to you. 🙏 It is cute how my husband responded and his response reinforced for me that I've chosen the right person to be with. He's a special soul and I hope one day you come to Jamaica and we can all sit down and have a great reasoning and vibe.
You're soooo right about Jamaicans and their many hairstyles!! Sometimes I don't recognize people I know because they change their hair lol 😂 When I reflected more on your comment, I realize that Jamaican women have been some of my biggest supporters and complimenters on my shaved head. The strange looks and off beat comments have mostly come from people in the states or my own family and friends 🙈
Thanks as always for taking the time to read and comment...especially now that you're getting famous here on Substack!! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
LOL stop it! I'm not famous 😂
Honestly, I've wondered a LOT about when I'll reenter Jamaica. Sometimes I don't miss it at all and other times I'm like, WOW...that was my life! It's a beautiful place but also doesn't come without it's challenges. It's funny, I'm almost 100% certain my son would tell me to go live there again and leave all this behind. He knew how content I was there. But now that I have my dog, it's not an option. If I'm ever heading your way again, I'd love to come hang out in the bush of Porty with you. It reminded me of the south coast...nice, chill vibes.
Oh, you ARE becoming famous here so own it! You’re doing such great work and it’s been both a pleasure and an honor to see your growth here ❤️
I imagine you can bring Dezi here…with a whole leap of paperwork, money, and probably hassle lol 😂
Whether or not you come to stay, I sincerely hope the universe has in mind for you to visit us here in the bush. We’d be honored to share time and space with you! Heck, maybe one day we’ll meet up somewhere else in the world…who knows where this journey will take us! 🌈