We met on the beach...a total cliche and an unexpected journey of love 🇯🇲
Many have asked to hear the story of how my husband and I met. Come and take a stroll with me down memory lane ❤️
My love affair with the island of Jamaica began in 2015 on my very first trip. I have connected with many people over the years who visited Jamaica as a tourist like me and had their heart captured by the island immediately (check out
‘s publication here on Substack Wildhood Wanted and you’ll see what I mean!). For some people like myself, there is a special magnetic power of the island that calls to our heart and soul in a way that cannot be ignored.Today’s story doesn’t start with that beginning, however. Today’s story is the beginning of a different love affair. A love affair that was unexpected. A love affair that wasn’t even wanted at first. A love affair that has changed me in all the good ways that a love affair can change a person.
The story of this love affair begins in December 2018, six months after I moved by myself to Jamaica with everything I owned in two carry-on backpacks.
December 18, 2018 to be exact.
Come, dear reader, and take a stroll with me while we travel back in time to that day in December nearing six years ago when he smiled at me on Winnifred Beach and started a shift in my life that I would have never believed was possible, let alone needed. To be honest, I already thought I had it all when we met and I wasn’t interested in more.
It was around 3:00 pm on that fateful day in December that I walked down to Winnifred Beach to meditate and write in my journal. I didn’t even bring a swimsuit as I had no intention of swimming; I went to the beach to clear my mind and center myself.
I wanted to be alone.
As a woman in Jamaica, it can be difficult to be alone in public as there is always someone offering “company,” so I resolved to keep my nose stuck in my journal or my eyes closed in meditation, sending off the signal that company wasn’t welcomed today.
I deeply believe that the universe doesn’t always give us what we want, but it always gives us what we need. And apparently I didn’t need to be alone that day even though that is exactly what I wanted. The universe had other plans for me…
I looked up at the horizon as the sun was softly announcing the end of another day in paradise, taking a slow, deep breath and closing my eyes. Picking up my pen, I began to write in my journal about how I was content with what I had in this moment and that I “didn’t need anymore men” (actual quote from my journal…perhaps a story for another day is my adventures with Tinder after my divorce and my self-proclaimed “respectful non-monogamous” lifestyle that I led for seven years…thank goodness neither of my children seem to be interested in what I’m writing here on Substack 🤣).
As I wrote this line in my journal about men, I looked up from my journal at the sea. The sea that had held me in every possible way; the sea that had my heart from day one. As I stared at the vastness of the Caribbean Sea, I felt a pull to turn and look to my right.
Given the late hour of the day, the beach was mostly empty of tourists and there was a rare quiet without blaring music.
As I turned to my right, there he was. Sitting on the beach in his unassuming shorts and t-shirt, looking relaxed and smoking a spliff. As I began to turn my head back to my writing, he smiled at me before I completely looked away and the light of his smile caught my eye; holding me there for the longest of brief moments.
What a beautiful smile, I thought to myself as I chuckled. No more new men, remember?
A lightening quick negotiation was beginning in my head: those teeth though. That smile. I’m a big girl, I can do what I want. I’m allowed to change my mind. There was a light behind that smile that beckoned to the light in me. Goddamn it, I lamented laughingly in my head.
He lifted his hand in a small wave of greeting and I found myself waving back. His wave turned into a hand-gesture question of “can I come over to where you are?” from far across the beach.
I had mere seconds to decide. Unlike many men I had met in Jamaica, he didn’t make a motion to actually get up to come over. He waited for me to give him a signal back that he was welcome…or not.
That smile, I thought to myself. Ok fine, why not? I let him know it was ok to come over and watched him as he got up, smiling even bigger, and came over.
I could just end today’s story right here with: 'and the rest is history.’ As of today, we have been married for almost four and a half years. It doesn’t feel as fun to end the story that way, so let me share a likkle bit more…
When he came over to me on the beach that day, the first question I asked him was “Do you have any kids?”
This was an important question to me because I had no desire to get involved in anyway with someone who had young children and the possibility of baby mama drama. I was 43 years old and while there were many things at that point in my life that I wasn’t totally sure about, this was one thing that was non-negotiable.
He told me that he didn’t have any children and I felt myself relax and invited him to sit with me on the sarong that I had laid down on the sand as a towel. He declined my offer to sit and kneeled beside me instead (I later found out he has bad knees and he didn’t want to get down all the way and not be able to get back up easily in front of me, lol).
We chatted for a few moments and I decided it was time to give him “The Speech.”
I had spent more than three years refining “The Speech” for any man that I encountered in Jamaica that I had an interest in, let’s say, connecting with. 😉
The Jamaican version of “The Speech” went something like this:
So, this is how it works with me: I don’t have just one boyfriend and I’m not interested in anything serious. I’m not interested in stepping out on the road with someone here in Portland because everyone knows each other and everyone talks; that’s too much drama. I am not going to buy you phone credit or pay any of your bills. Don’t ask me for money of any kind. You can sleep with whomever you want and I will do the same. We don’t need to talk with each other about this and we both need to be safe and always use protection. Don’t expect me to always answer my phone and I won’t expect you to do so either. No expectations, no demands…this goes both ways. You are not allowed to just show up where I live, EVER, and I will NEVER just show up where you live. Easy, no strings attached, just fun. 🤗
Whenever I gave “The Speech” to a man in Jamaica, the response was usually something like: So wait…I can sleep with who I want, including you, and you can do the same? And you’ll never create drama about it? Ya mon, sounds good!
So after I gave him “The Speech,” I sat looking at him waiting for the Ya mon, sounds good reply but it turns out that he was the first man to have a different response. He looked at me and said “No sah, that nuh a guh wuk” (translation: no sir, that’s not going to work). He told me that he didn’t care about the money part I mentioned but he didn’t want to share me with other men.
I laughed and told him, no problem. See, you just need to be alone and have no more new men, I reminded myself. I began to pack up my stuff and told him he should just go back to his friend on the other side of the beach because I was going home. Remember, I wanted to be alone.
As I stood up, I told him it was nice to meet him and that he should “take care.” He gave me that bright smile again and asked if he could walk me home. I told him not to bother since he wasn’t interested in “the way things work with me” and it was better not to waste anyone’s time.
He asked again to walk me home and told me not to worry about “how things work with me.” He said let’s just walk and see what happens.
As he walked me home, when we began to get close to where I was staying, I told him that I was going to stop here and let him keep walking because I didn’t want him to see where I lived. I wanted to keep it simple and private. He smiled his electric smile and obliged; I stood there, watching him walk away (of course he had already asked for my number and I gave it to him).
As I stood there watching him, I remember thinking to myself that there was something different about him. How could he say no to “The Speech?” And when I asked him to walk away and leave me on the roadside, he actually did that (most Jamaican men in my experience would not have obliged that request). He had me intrigued and that wasn’t easy to do.
Two days later, he did something that would forever change my mind about him. Something that opened me up in a way that I didn’t expect. Something so seemingly simple at the time that had a deeply profound affect and in hindsight, was the beginning of our love affair.
He called me and asked if he could “come and check me.” This is a typical Jamaican way of saying to go and visit someone. I was impressed that he respected my wish to never just come over (I thought I was so stealthy by not letting him walk me home…turns out EVERYONE in the area knew where I was staying, including him…a white woman alone in Portland can’t hide, lol 😉).
When he came to check me, he brought me Chinese food from Port Antonio. He remembered a comment I made when we were first chatting about how I missed Chinese food in the states and he brought me some. Big points there. It was how he answered my next question that was the game changer, the door opener.
I asked him how much money I owed him for the taxi fare and the Chinese food. He looked at me with a somewhat incredulous look on his face and told me “I don’t want your money. I brought this for you because you said you missed Chinese food.”
Reminiscent of the Grinch 💚, my heart grew for him in that moment.
“What do you mean you don’t want my money? Everyone in Jamaica wants my money!” I laughed but there was a harsh truth to my comment in my personal experience.
And that was that. I didn’t pay him for the food or his taxi fare and as I opened the container of Chinese food, I smiled to myself, blissfully unaware of the journey he was about to take me on.
There are many women from other countries who have stories about falling in love here in Jamaica and in that respect, my story is not unique. In fact, meeting a younger man on the beach in Jamaica and getting married is a cliche that I swore I would never fall victim to.
Yet here I am.
While the beginning of our journey may be a cliche, the fact that we are still happily together today, growing as a couple and as individuals, and that I live here with him full-time is not so cliche. We are forging our own path, in our own way, together.
I have no idea how our story will end but I’m not here in this life to think too much about endings. I’m here in this life to be present in the moment and to open my heart to allow the love I have inside to spill out into the world in all of the forms that it feels called to do so.
And one way that love wants to come out is in the form of being a wife again. I have happily eaten my words that I shouted to the rooftops when I first came to Jamaica: “I will do a lot of things in this life, but the one thing I will NEVER do is get married again…especially to a Jamaican man!”
I’ll end this story with one more cliche: never say never.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
With a warm Sunday hug from my 💜 to yours 💜,
Deanna 🙏🕯🌈
PS I would be honored if you give my story a ❤️, restack it, and/or share it with your peeps! Every show of support touches my heart 🩵
Am glad you are happy.
Eep! I just (finally) landed on your page and now I have to cancel alllll the plans and read everything. This story! The speech! I love it so much.